L
lance
nah, if something is funny best 2 share it with every1 
Jokes how many can there be?
- Thread starter frozzenbum
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L
lance
the only thing that makes genocide, racism, sexism and dead baby jokes funny is the fact that they're universally wrong. Otherwise they wouldnt be funny.nebulaman said:
anyway, back on topic plox, good thread :mrorange:
Three women are at a house, one redhead, one brunette, and one blonde.
A genie appears and says the women can say anything, but if they tell a lie, the disappear.
The redhead says, "I think I am the smartest woman ever," and she disappears.
The brunette says, "I think I am the most beautiful woman on Earth," and she disappears.
The blonde says, "I think-" and she disappears.
:mrorange:
A new pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners.
At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, Genesis 3:10."
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.
Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid, for I was naked."
:mrorange:
She's Fat:
Yo momma is so fat, she has to put her belt on with a boomerang.
Yo momma is so fat, her belt size is equator.
Yo momma is so fat, she's the reason why they changed one size fits all to one size fits most.
Yo momma is so fat, she broke her leg and gravy poured out.
Yo momma is so fat, when she sits around the house, she sits A-R-O-U-N-D the house!
Yo momma is so fat, when she fell down, the radio skipped.
Yo momma is so fat, she stepped up on a scale and it said, "One at a time, please!"
Yo momma is so fat, she stepped up on a scale and it said, "We don't do livestock!"
Yo momma is so fat, she jumped up in the air and got stuck.
She's Ugly:
Yo momma is so ugly, we had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
Yo momma is so ugly, she doesn't have to buy a costume for Halloween parties.
Yo momma is so ugly, when she was born the doctor slapped her momma.
Yo momma is so ugly, when she stares into a mirror, her own reflection runs away.
Yo momma is so ugly, it is now against store policy at WalMart to serve her at the portrait studio as it constitutes as cruel and unusual punishment that goes against the Geneva Convention.
Yo momma is so ugly, she's got a face for radio.
Yo momma is so ugly, she made Ray Charles flinch.
She's Dumb:
Yo momma is so dumb, she sat for an hour and a half trying to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Yo momma is so dumb, she runs out and checks her mail box every time AOL tells her, "You've got mail!"
Yo momma is so dumb, she was driving to Disneyland only to see a sign that said, "Disneyland, left." So she turned around and went home.
Yo momma is so dumb, she sat at a stop sign for three weeks waiting for it to turn green.
Yo momma is so dumb, she got hit by a parked car.
Yo momma is so dumb, you can blow in one ear and feel the breeze out the other side.
She's Old:
Yo momma is so old, she knew Jesus in the second grade.
Yo momma is so old, her social security number is 8.
Yo momma is so old, she has an original copy of the Gettysburg Address.
Yo momma is so old, when she sneezes, dust flies out.
:mrorange:
One day there was a rabbit and a snake who were both growing old and could not remember what animal they were.
"OK I'll describe you and then see if you can guess what you are." said the snake.
"That's a good idea." said the rabbit.
"You are white, fluffy, and you have big ears and feet." said the snake.
"Oh good, I'm a rabbit! So the rabbit says, "You are long, slim, and have a forked tongue."
"Oh NO, I'm a lawyer!
:mrorange:
A man was part of a national wildlife preserve before he died. He loved to clean up areas for all kinds of animals, and thought he had done a lot of good in the world. So when he died, he expected to go to heaven.
He was very surprised when the angel, who told people whether they were going to heaven or hell, said, "I'm sorry, but you were sent to hell."
"Are you quite sure you haven't made mistake?" the young man asked.
"We never make mistakes and never have." The angel replied.
So the young man thought, well, okay, and went with the devil to hell.
When the young man got there, he thought, "What a mess! I am NOT going to be living in such a pigsty." so he started to clean the place up.
A few weeks later, the angel came down to hell to tell the young man that they indeed had made a mistake and he was supposed to go to heaven.
"Woah, you can't just take him! He's mine now and this place looks great!" Said the devil.
"Oh, well then we'll just sue you!" The angel said back.
"And how the heck do you plan to do that?" taunted the devil. "We've got all the lawyers."
:mrorange:
HERE'S ONE FOR THE MEN Men strike back!
How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
Men strike back!How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
A
Astrix
Whats brown and sticky A stick
Two ferocious cannibal chiefs sat licking their fingers after a large meal. “Your wife makes a delicious roast,” one chief said.
“Thanks,” his friend said. “But I'm sure gonna miss her.”
Bumper Stickers
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather,
not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car
Earth first!
We'll strip mine the other planets later.
So many idiots, so few comets
The gene pool needs more chlorine
Guns don't kill people, postal workers do
Friends help you move.
GOOD friends help you move bodies
“Thanks,” his friend said. “But I'm sure gonna miss her.”
Bumper Stickers
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather,
not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car
Earth first!
We'll strip mine the other planets later.
So many idiots, so few comets
The gene pool needs more chlorine
Guns don't kill people, postal workers do
Friends help you move.
GOOD friends help you move bodies
godman
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How many vampires does it take to change a light bulb there is 2 awnsers
1) 2 one to hold on to the lamp 1 spinning the guy thats holds on to the lamp
2) 0 they don't like light
im swed so i can't translate it so good but i tried if you know the the joke correct it....
1) 2 one to hold on to the lamp 1 spinning the guy thats holds on to the lamp
2) 0 they don't like light
im swed so i can't translate it so good but i tried if you know the the joke correct it....
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